Thursday, August 9, 2012


Right now

1) is my church (thanks Stephanie)

2)Mark John Nelson "Reminisce"

3)Yeasayer "Henrietta"

4)Premade/Uncooked tortillas (from Costco)....which sadly aren't there anymore (ya hear that Costco???? Can we get them back?)

5)The garden....ahhh tomatoes, how I love thee, especially with some mozzarella.

6)Trying to replace bad things with good things.

7)Black short boots.  Yep, I am loving them.

8)Misty May and Kerry Walsh....Love you gals.

9)My brother.  Love that guy.

10)My husband...the rock.

11)Dilberta & Masonheimer.

Monday, August 6, 2012

In general....

Well I almost hit the one month between posts.  To say the last month was an easy one would be an out right lie.  It was a good month but it had its mountains and valleys (literally). 

So just go with me here(aka the beginnings of some sort of rambling diatribe)....when I was a kid once I was driving in a car and a woman was crossing the street and she fumbled carrying her groceries, and they splattered all over the ground.  I seem to remember her crying and struggling to pick them up but we were in traffic and were a bit helpless to assist.   At that instance, I remembering feeling such severe pain for some sort of weird osmosis thing where I could see someone and just sense the pain they are in.  As I have gone through my 37 years of life, this has happened on a few occasions.  Once in college I worked at a deli with this big beefy guy and he always seemed happy but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was experiencing some despair.  Then a few weeks later he left school because he had such a bad gambling problem that his parents had to come get him and take him home. 

That same sort of reflective pain or intuition is even worse for family members.  Once years ago, I awoke from sleep with some sort of severe anxiety and couldn't figure out why.  Within a day or two I had found out that my brother had been injured and had gotten a really bad case of frostbite.  When you are close to your family, their pain is yours.  There is absolutely no separating it out and just going on with your life.  It is divided or split or shared...but it is definitely not yours or theirs; a clean break does not exist. And family is family, so maybe you have a crazy uncle or a haphazard niece, they are your family and you deal with them and they are there to teach you something.  So for my family and friends who are experiencing pain right, I really do feel it.  I care for you. You need something, I will try and give it to you.  I will not check out. I will check in.  I might even annoy you. But I am not giving up. 

Which leads us to depression/mental illness/anxiety.  I am so tired of people making others feel stupid about having these conditions.   In most cases, it really truly is a genetic or "chemical" dysfunction of the body.  What it is not, is something you can just "easily" fix or sweep aside.  And no, pharmaceuticals are not always the answer. Yes, they have worked for some people but they have also been the detriment to many.  These mental health issues kill people everyday and should never be taken lightly.  Yesterday, Josh attended a funeral for a father of three girls who jumped in a river to end his life.  He was a  captain of the football team, a graduate of college with a 4.0 and a person who had dealt with mental illness.    I have had family members kill themself and I myself and other people I know have dealt with these problems.  It is not fun.  It is not simple.  Which brings me to just anxiety.  I wholeheartedly believe that anxiety is one of the biggest problems griping our country. I did a every informal survey of some friends last year and out of about 12 women(all moms, married), every single one had dealt with anxiety and most had been treated for it or were taking medications for it.   

So anyways, be aware of the people in your life.  Listen to them/talk to them.  Don't just sit there and say "I will check in later"....Life is short.